Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I think I forgot something...

You know when you go on a trip and you just know you forgot something, but you just can't remember and you stress and stress about that thing you KNOW you forgot. Well that is me for the past 7 days that I have been in Arizona.

And then today, all of a sudden, I remembered. No, it wasn't my toothbrush, my hair dryer, or my face wash, although those are usually on the oops I forgot list! It was a big ole piece (forgive me for being dramatic) of my heart. I just started thinking about all I left behind, mainly friends, but more than people...I think there is a piece of my life that I cannot bring with me no matter how I try. It is those things that are not movable like:

Stanley Lane and all my memories with my roommates when we were single. Painting my room with Lisa who mustered up the courage to tell me she had had a crush on my old boyfriend (was he ever my boyfriend, really?) The tree falling in the car port and the cute PGE guys who came to fix our electricity. The time Lisa and Jodi had to investigate the Rat Family (Jan who we thought was Jim until he or she had babies) in our garage. The musicals Jod and I would make up about boyfriends or not having them...

Or the room Carmen and I stayed in at Wildhorse when we were on assignment and it only had ONE queen sized bed in it and then Sara bringing in a bed, because she fixes things, but Carmen and I just sleeping in the queen bed like sisters minus the cuddling.

Or the River (Camp Sherman, Sherwood Forest) Us girls dreaming about our lives...would it include husband and if so where would we get married. Rafting down the Metolious loving the green all around and my numb butt because the water is always around 40 degrees. The hammock I would lay in and wish that time would stand still.

The silent dinners Sara and I would have...no need for conversation.

Maybe it all comes down to my single life that I loved and hated and held on to and couldnt wait to let go of...it has to be left in Oregon...in the Good Ole Days FILE--you know the file that is constantly being made you just dont know it until a couple years later...

I am crying now...tears that I have held back for fear that I would stay in Oregon with Jodi and Dean and Henry's BFF Jacob (who he misses everyday) forever and make Ryan quit his job.
(I really don't want to do that, I am just dealing)

So there it is after week one...it'll get easier...


Lora said...

miss you here (but am glad for you there).

looking forward to hearing more about it. -lora

benjyjen said...

Happened upon your blog by chance. I can completely relate to your emotion - happiness and sadness. I grew up in WA and moved to CA after college. I spent 20 years there and then moved back home two years ago. I still miss CA like it was yesterday - people and the life I had there (single days for me as well)! Now I am home and have had some of the same emotions and feelings. I love your comment that I can slam but you can't! Amen! It does get easier, but OR will always have a piece of your heart. Blessings to you!
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